LSD Journey

I made a deal with my ego.  I reassured it that if I had a full on awakening with LSD, not to worry, it will be transient, and he will return without any dents.  Despite that, like so many times before, I was nervous about taking LSD.  I trusted the dose and carried the intention of accelerating my spiritual journey.  Learning to reduce the influence of my ego and raising my consciousness to higher levels are high on my list of priorities.

To create the mental set, I prepared several days in advance.  I read from the books of David Hawkins, “The Eye of the I” and “Letting Go”.  I listened to Joe Dispenza on the power of intention and Eckhart Tolle on being in the Now.  These teachings inspired me and gave me clues on ways to transcend my past programming.  On the morning I took the LSD, I watched a Youtube video on the Fibonacci numbers and the Golden Ratio.

I took what I believed to be 110 mcg of LSD at 10am, then went upstairs to the meditation room to listen to a recording of the first hour of Daniel Schmidt’s film, Samadhi, while the psychedelic took effect.  By noon I was having the usual fantastic distortions of thought and perception.  It was so powerful that for the first hour I spent a lot of energy learning to navigate it until I felt I could direct the flow without getting into a bad loop.  It felt too easy to get trapped in a vortex of insanity with loss of touch with “reality”.

Once I sensed I could fly safely around these zones, I proceeded to bring forth my anticipated 10 minutes of pure enlightenment when I understood it all.  All of a sudden it became crystal clear that everything is a fractal based on Fibonacci numbers and the Golden Ratio.  This insight could be aptly characterized as “mind blowing”. There was a shift in the figure/ground.  It felt as if I had just woken up to The Ultimate Reality. The universe is mathematically perfect.  There are no mistakes.  Its all a magnificent work of art.  The concern about death became absurd.  There was absolutely nothing to fear anymore.  All worries about the past or future vanished.  We are all part of a unified whole and its constantly evolving in perfect order.  Consciousness is primary and creates everything we see around us.  I had broken through the cosmic curtain.

I truly believed I had rediscovered The Truth that has been written about many times over the centuries in different languages.  At the same time, I suspected that within a few hours, this revelation would be lost, and it was OK.  At least it felt like I touched the sky and received the encrypted email from the Source of All Knowledge.

My trip then moved to a representation of myself as a teenager.  In my semi-hallucinatory state, I began to see myself as a teen symbolically having broken ribs and not being able to keep up with my peers.  There was an unusual aspect of this story.  I became detached from myself and no longer identified with the character of me.  I began to speak, “To really understand this character named Dan, you have to understand the military culture he was raised in. The men who were influencing him were men who had broken wings. They overcompensated for that fact that they did not get a leg up. There was always this feeling of competition and nobody deserving a break.”  Experiencing this seems to have resolved something.  On LSD, one is more than thinking, feeling, or visualizing something.  You are being it.  That’s how it seemed, and I believe that is the difference between traditional talk therapy and LSD assisted therapy.  Like synesthesia, the brain is wired up in ways its not accustomed to.  Associations take on different meanings and healing occurs in a unique fashion.

I am unable to recall much more of the details of my trip, however, there were other “lessons” that came from it.

I was hoping to learn strategies to be able to cope with any possible emotional upheaval we might have from climate or social disruption.  I do not want to be fearful to the extent that I suffer emotionally when catastrophes happen.  With the uncertainties we all face, I want to be disaster prepared.  Its all too easy to feel victimized, helpless, or pessimistic during these times.

In response to this intention, LSD, in a humorous way, reminded me of Monty Python’s movie, Life of Brian.  In the final scene, Brian and seven other men are being crucified.  One says “Cheer up, Brian. If life seems jolly rotten, there’s something you’ve forgotten, and that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you’re feeling in the dumps, Don’t be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle. Always look on the bright side of life.

I knew that my energy field always affects Ann.  I privately made a commitment to never again speak of anything that triggers Ann’s fears or insecurities.  When faced with something negative, I’m to ask myself what’s the good news attached to this dreadful story?  Thanks to LSD, I decided to look on the bright side of life and always be positive.  It seemed a bit Pollyannish, but we can never predict the future with 100% certainty, nor do we know how events will turn out in the long run.  I figured its best to re-frame events so Ann and I end up feeling safer.  Moderate positive illusions are now what I hold true.

Another lesson was I am not my ego.  The ego creates and then feeds off drama.  It’s just a story it makes up.  I can be mindful of when the ego is trying to take over and cause suffering.  Instead I can rewrite the story to make it fun.  When the ego tries to pull me into its drama, I can teach myself to laugh at it.  It takes two to tango. We must learn to detach ourselves from the ego.

For several hours, I experienced synesthesia, which was cool.  I had sensory delights went far beyond normal, and were entirely unique to my brain.  This was very enjoyable to have extended sensory feeling.

Lastly, around 2pm, I announced I hated tripping and vowed never to do it again.  I always have mixed feelings about psychedelics.  I never “enjoy” them in the sense of it being recreational.  Most of the trip feels hard and unclear whether the gain is worth the wierdness. Then, especially the next few days after, I typically feel and act different.  Ann commented after this trip that I was far calmer and easier to be with.  I was more patient, relaxed, and positive.  When I realize LSD does offer therapeutic value, which has been permanent for several personal issues, I begin to look forward to my next journey.

Entheogen-assisted Healing

Taking entheogens can be like air travel: people do it all the time, it’s usually fine, but when it’s not fine, it’s sometimes very bad. We’ve been there. And that’s where an experienced GUIDE can make the difference in the outcome.
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