Today is the 50th anniversary of my first LSD trip. That day I became aware that everything I had been taught was either completely false or only partially true. I had a sneak preview that I was God, those around me were God, and all that I saw was God. Non duality and love were all that existed. I understood everything was connected and was one. The next day my consciousness returned to consensual reality, but the experience never left me. It opened a portal, even for that brief moment, to the awareness there is so much more out there that is hidden from view, just not accessible from ordinary consciousness. It affected me for the rest of my life, taking me in a direction of studying the mind, earning an advanced degree in psychology, teaching courses in consciousness, and later practicing psychotherapy. In 1968 I didn’t know psychedelics could be used as a tool to assist in psychotherapy. Only many years later did I discover the volumes of research. Now, it is clear to me the incredible potential of psychedelics (better termed entheogens) have in healing deep psychological wounds. I had the opportunity to personally take ayahusaca 49 years after my LSD trip and experienced benefit far beyond what could have been accomplished using traditional psychotherapy methods. Entheogens are medicine and belong in the future toolbox of every clinician. It’s time for mental health professionals to seriously look at how entheogens can be appropriately integrated into clinical practice for not only those who need healing, but also for those seeking a better life.
I made a deal with my ego. I reassured it that if I had a full on awakening with LSD, not to worry, it will be transient, and he will return without any dents. Despite that, like so many times before, I was nervous about taking LSD. I trusted the dose and carried the intention of accelerating my spiritual journey. Learning to reduce the influence of my ego and raising my consciousness to higher levels are high on my list of priorities.
To create the mental set, I prepared several days in advance. I read from the books of David Hawkins, “The Eye of the I” and “Letting Go”. I listened to Joe Dispenza on the power of intention and Eckhart Tolle on being in the Now. These teachings inspired me and gave me clues on ways to transcend my past programming. On the morning I took the LSD, I watched a Youtube video on the Fibonacci numbers and the Golden Ratio.
I took what I believed to be 110 mcg of LSD at 10am, then went upstairs to the meditation room to listen to a recording of the first hour of Daniel Schmidt’s film, Samadhi, while the psychedelic took effect. By noon I was having the usual fantastic distortions of thought and perception. It was so powerful that for the first hour I spent a lot of energy learning to navigate it until I felt I could direct the flow without getting into a bad loop. It felt too easy to get trapped in a vortex of insanity with loss of touch with “reality”.
Once I sensed I could fly safely around these zones, I proceeded to bring forth my anticipated 10 minutes of pure enlightenment when I understood it all. All of a sudden it became crystal clear that everything is a fractal based on Fibonacci numbers and the Golden Ratio. This insight could be aptly characterized as “mind blowing”. There was a shift in the figure/ground. It felt as if I had just woken up to The Ultimate Reality. The universe is mathematically perfect. There are no mistakes. Its all a magnificent work of art. The concern about death became absurd. There was absolutely nothing to fear anymore. All worries about the past or future vanished. We are all part of a unified whole and its constantly evolving in perfect order. Consciousness is primary and creates everything we see around us. I had broken through the cosmic curtain.
I truly believed I had rediscovered The Truth that has been written about many times over the centuries in different languages. At the same time, I suspected that within a few hours, this revelation would be lost, and it was OK. At least it felt like I touched the sky and received the encrypted email from the Source of All Knowledge.
My trip then moved to a representation of myself as a teenager. In my semi-hallucinatory state, I began to see myself as a teen symbolically having broken ribs and not being able to keep up with my peers. There was an unusual aspect of this story. I became detached from myself and no longer identified with the character of me. I began to speak, “To really understand this character named Dan, you have to understand the military culture he was raised in. The men who were influencing him were men who had broken wings. They overcompensated for that fact that they did not get a leg up. There was always this feeling of competition and nobody deserving a break.” Experiencing this seems to have resolved something. On LSD, one is more than thinking, feeling, or visualizing something. You are being it. That’s how it seemed, and I believe that is the difference between traditional talk therapy and LSD assisted therapy. Like synesthesia, the brain is wired up in ways its not accustomed to. Associations take on different meanings and healing occurs in a unique fashion.
I am unable to recall much more of the details of my trip, however, there were other “lessons” that came from it.
I was hoping to learn strategies to be able to cope with any possible emotional upheaval we might have from climate or social disruption. I do not want to be fearful to the extent that I suffer emotionally when catastrophes happen. With the uncertainties we all face, I want to be disaster prepared. Its all too easy to feel victimized, helpless, or pessimistic during these times.
In response to this intention, LSD, in a humorous way, reminded me of Monty Python’s movie, Life of Brian. In the final scene, Brian and seven other men are being crucified. One says “Cheer up, Brian. If life seems jolly rotten, there’s something you’ve forgotten, and that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you’re feeling in the dumps, Don’t be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle. Always look on the bright side of life.
I knew that my energy field always affects Ann. I privately made a commitment to never again speak of anything that triggers Ann’s fears or insecurities. When faced with something negative, I’m to ask myself what’s the good news attached to this dreadful story? Thanks to LSD, I decided to look on the bright side of life and always be positive. It seemed a bit Pollyannish, but we can never predict the future with 100% certainty, nor do we know how events will turn out in the long run. I figured its best to re-frame events so Ann and I end up feeling safer. Moderate positive illusions are now what I hold true.
Another lesson was I am not my ego. The ego creates and then feeds off drama. It’s just a story it makes up. I can be mindful of when the ego is trying to take over and cause suffering. Instead I can rewrite the story to make it fun. When the ego tries to pull me into its drama, I can teach myself to laugh at it. It takes two to tango. We must learn to detach ourselves from the ego.
For several hours, I experienced synesthesia, which was cool. I had sensory delights went far beyond normal, and were entirely unique to my brain. This was very enjoyable to have extended sensory feeling.
Lastly, around 2pm, I announced I hated tripping and vowed never to do it again. I always have mixed feelings about psychedelics. I never “enjoy” them in the sense of it being recreational. Most of the trip feels hard and unclear whether the gain is worth the wierdness. Then, especially the next few days after, I typically feel and act different. Ann commented after this trip that I was far calmer and easier to be with. I was more patient, relaxed, and positive. When I realize LSD does offer therapeutic value, which has been permanent for several personal issues, I begin to look forward to my next journey.
Entheogenic Liberation By Rick D.
Unraveling the Enigma of Nonduality with 5-MEO-DMT Energetic Therapy
This book is full of tons of facts, details, and specific information and answers all the many questions one would have upon embarking on this journey. This outline is concerned only with the big picture concepts, thoughts, and insights that relate to the journey. Martin has such a wonderful way with words that I wanted to pull them together in a way that made more sense to me. All the words are his. (Entheogenic = the experience of the God within) (God = the largest, broadest, most inclusive and loving concept of reality you can imagine)
I am writing this book to help you set yourself Free – to be authentically who you really are in each moment
My aim is to produce clarity, and in doing so, I am uncompromising
I will not play nice and try to validate your ego illusions – that is not helpful to genuine liberation
It may be trendy to say things like “all religions point to the same ultimate truth”, or that “all spiritual paths are equally valid and genuine”, but that is appeasement.
Reality does not care what you think or believe or what you want to be true
Real liberation means freedom from all forms of illusion – religious or spiritual
It means deconstructing the walls of illusion that everyone builds around their fragile human heart – – so that they can live in the profound freedom of the heart of God, which is what the human heart really is
That heart is resilient, open, vibrant, and raging in the energy of eternal and uncompromising love
Genuine Liberation is all about learning how to live with a free, open, unguarded, and universally loving heart
It is about learning how to be right here, right now, centered, present, free, and open.
It is about learning to transcend the illusory confines of the ego and simply live in reality as it is, without illusion, attachment, and the need for identity
It is so simple – – only the ego makes it hard
All human struggle is directly connected to our pathological and destructive attachments to our identity and ego – both individually and collectively
War, hate, politics, separation, racism, religious violence & intolerance
It is about seeing myself in everything and everyone – loving myself in all my forms
Opening my heart and loving infinitely with no conditions, no attachments
Letting me be myself and be free
It is not about adopting the right way of thinking, or the correct way of acting, or following any particular ideology or doctrine
It is not about drifting off into the ethers, ascending to a higher plane of existence, or merging with the infinite in some disembodied state
It is not about understanding each other or being tolerant of each other
It is time to get real in a real world
I am God in a body
It’s time to stop fucking around and start acting like it
Time to take responsibility for who and what I truly am, and stop looking to imaginary realities to save me from myself
This is the only way out of this ego driven mess
This book is about –
How to go about the process of radically deconstructing my illusory self and finding genuine freedom
I must be committed to truth, to love, and to freedom
If so, this book will fundamentally transform my identity from illusion to truth
It will profoundly alter my life and my direct experience of being in this world
Reality – the discovery of the infinite reality of God that lies beneath the façade of individuality and separation
The deconstruction of the illusory self – the Ego
A practical guide to learning how to be free and live with an open, unguarded, universally loving heart
Humans are ready for this next stage of their evolution and development
The ego brought us here – now it is time to move beyond the ego
Time to go beyond being God Toddlers to being God Adults
How psychedelic compounds may be used to liberate me from the confines of my ego
Their use for liberation is specific and methodical
An intentionally-directed process of increasing self-awareness and the development of
These compounds alter my brain chemistry such that I am able to work directly on the ego,
amplify its patterns, bring unconscious patterns and actions into awareness, simultaneously
release backlogs of suppressed energy from the bio-physical-mental-emotional system that is me
Nondual Energy Therapy –
Utilizes the energetic tools of psychedelics
A form of lasting liberation and personal transformation that frees me from the restraining and persistent confines of the energetic structures of the ego
The Goal –
To learn how to be flexible, fluid, and authentically going with the continual flux and flow of the energetic matrix of reality in a way that is genuine, honest, and fully present
It is about continual change and relaxing into this ongoing flow we experience as reality
It is about learning how to love myself without limits or conditions
It is not about permanent bliss or total ego obliteration
It is a process and results from careful and ongoing work of self-observation and expression
The real work is learning how to be present with reality, no matter how it presents itself
Every human being is a full-spectrum reality-experiencing vehicle for the unitary consciousness
It is about a process of reformatting myself energetically – like a computer
Learning how to authentically be how I actually am and allowing myself to feel what I feel, regardless of what I think about it
I will have found my immovable center and will never be thrown off balance again
I become a master of the real, not the imagined
The work being proposed – getting all the way out of the dualistic levels of being
To reach a point of certainty about the nondual nature of all of it
To recognize that all our dualistic experiences are plays of illusion and appearances
Who am I?
I am God embodied in human form
I am the ONE universal consciousness that is all of reality experiencing itself from the perspective
of a human vehicle
One of billions of vehicles through which this universal intelligence experiences itself
The paradox that I must balance –
I am an individual, living embodiment of universal intelligence AND a being that is God
I must be authentic and genuine – without internal censoring, editing, or criticism
I must be me and be free
Am I ready? Am I brave enough to set myself free?
To allow the energy that I truly am and always have been and always will be to flow through the
vehicle of my body and my life in a way that is literally unimaginable and inconceivable to my
Imprisoned self? To love without limits? To set my heart free? To die for this freedom?
Only I can set myself free
What is it that I have spent my life looking for?
To experience God, to experience myself as God, to know myself as God, to know everyone as God
To be immersed in God’s boundless ocean of infinite love and awareness that is timeless, eternal, and without boundaries
It is simultaneously empty and full of all potential
It is who I really am – the very energy of reality and all being. I am life
The role of the EGO
The Prison – I am the prisoner, the prison, and the guard – I created it all, consciously or unconsciously
If so, then I can uncreate it
The Tool – one that allows for social interaction and communication
It cannot be killed or permanently removed
It can be transcended on a temporary basis
Living as a human means living with an ego
What is the EGO?
A collection of energy patterns that, when functioning together, create the image/illusion
of a separate individual self
A very sophisticated mask – used to create an illusion of selfhood and individuality
It allows me to perceive and experience myself as a unique individual inhabiting and experiencing the world that is not-self, as such it ultimately and effectively masks my true universal identity
At a fundamental level, the ego is a duality-creator
We created our egos by making choices about who we are as we grow up resulting in our egos, and then our egos interplay with other fully developed egos in a game we call life. We think our ego is who we are and forget that it is all a game because we are so fully immersed in it. Also, because we are not aware of other possible choices – until we experience our own divinity and our oneness with all. (p. 134)
The Key – the more I get to know and experience myself as God and the vehicle for universal intelligence –
The more I recognize the ego as merely a part of myself – one I can put on or take off at will
Like a garment
By changing my energetic state and experience, the facades of the ego can be exposed, released, and transformed. This is where psychedelics can be a wonderful tool
The Entheological Paradigm
Nondual liberation and transformation mediated through psychedelic medicine (particularly 5-MEO-DMT)
A form of therapy, as opposed to a spiritual practice or discipline
A guide to help me find, encounter, and be myself – free from illusion or confusion
Free from the dualistic confusion and attachment to illusion and beliefs
Nondual liberation is as simple as being myself – the real, universal me –
and letting my heart be open and loving, naturally
The Nondual Experience –
It so fundamentally changes my understanding and appreciation of the real world
that I am no longer trapped in it
I am able to see through the complex illusions of duality, of self and other, and see and experience it all as an ongoing play of the universal self, of God
There is just reality as it is – a unified being of infinite awareness that is playing with itself as an expression of itself
Everything and everyone in all places and times is merely God interacting with itself
and It is ME
It is NOT about getting me “out” of reality and the lived world
It is about being in it in a whole new way
It is all-consuming and a radical disjuncture from ordinary experience and perception
It is total, infinite, eternal, complete, unitary. It is all or nothing
Once I experience it – – there is no going back – – I cannot unexperience it
Reality – – is experienced when the ego is transcended
Reality is – – the play of a unitary consciousness and infinite expression of loving energy that is engaging with and experiencing nothing but itself
Because everything is in fact ONE at a fundamental level and there is not separation between any of its component parts
It is just raw, naked, unfiltered reality: infinite, eternal, total, ONE
Reality is – – infinite, conscious, alive, unitary, and the energy of pure, unconditional, absolute love
It is God being itself, expressing itself, experiencing itself. There is nothing that is not God
My Human Birthright – – – the most fundamental of all rights
To know and experience the true nature of my self – – who I am and what I am
Self- knowledge and the liberation and freedom that comes with it
Trumps all other rights, duties and laws
Ironic that the greatest tools to experience this right are illegal
5-MeO-DMT – – – (see pages 54-112 for the details of the work)
Is the only entheogen that can reliably introduce individuals to full nondual awareness and direct unitary experience
It reliably overrides the energetic structures of the ego and reveals the unitary nature of being
Which is what the ego persistently and consistently masks and conceals through attachment to the illusions of individuality
This is not a “spiritual” issue: it is strictly an “energetic” issue
This is why it is important to relax, trust, and allow the experience
It is an invitation to relax and expand fully into ones true nature
It does not “create” the experience. It functions as a tool that helps to “reveal” it
It is about what I feel and what I know as a result of what I feel
It is the direct and immediate experience of the feeling and the certain knowledge of the absolute unity nature of being
The experience is the most amazing thing possible for a human being to encounter
To achieve full nondual experience is fundamentally rewarding and satisfying in a way the nothing else can possibly match
It is exactly what I have been searching for and desiring my entire life
To experience the full nature of God, absolute freedom, total, unconditional love, boundless reality, pure energy, genuine being, and a full and swelling heart, overflowing with love, love, love, love.
What could be more healing, transformative, and life-affirming than that?
Defrags the Hard Drive – –
A full nondual reset – – so that I work better, faster, and cleaner
After flooding the entire system with the raging energy of pure love
Full Nondual Liberation –
Liberation from all forms of attachment, including thoughts, belief systems, self-concepts and various forms of conditionality.
Finding inner clarity
Ultimately, my liberation is equated with my ability to go with the energetic flow of reality in a capacity that is unimpeded by the ego
The entheogen is actually a form of energetic clearing and retraining of my experience of being
It is a process of learning how to simply be myself without any egoic tendencies getting in my own way and keeping me in a self-imposed prison of being
Becoming aware of the energetic distortions and holding of the ego is the first step to being able to consciously choose reality
rather than the imaginings and patterns of the confused ego
In order to be more attuned to authentic energy vs. egoic energy I can do the following:
- Always practice honesty
With myself –
I stop being so devoted to the stories and illusions I create within my mind and my belief systems
Stop being committed to believing things that I do not actually know to be true
“Faith” means that I believe something to be true for which there is no direct evidence
Everything I think about myself and reality is an illusion
Practice being more aware of this and more truthful
With others –
Start to be direct, honest, and open – say what I mean and mean what I say
In the long run I will be more healthier and happier
More in alignment with the true energy of reality rather that the illusory egoic constructs
Instead, I am taught to be dishonest, polite, nice, not make waves, take the easier route of white lies and half-truths
In order to ease the process of social interaction and maintain the carefully manicured illusions of culture, religion, politics, society
- Practice being more consciously symmetrical in my body
Everything that is going on inside me is always communicated by my body language, posture, and movements
Treat all of reality as one ongoing psychedelic experience, because it is
The psychedelic state is just one of amplified energetic experience
Trip-ups – the thoughts and beliefs that get in my way in the process of liberation
- Trying to “understand” and “making sense” of what is happening –
Let go of the need to create stories and make meaning of my experience using religious, spiritual, and metaphysical approaches
It is strictly the ego that wants to know –
It wants everything to mean something
But it is not about “waking up” or “becoming enlightened”
Those are just ego-generated stories
The only relevant revelation is that I am God
- Conditional Loving = duality = ego
I could not love myself fully, so I created my ego in the form of what I thought was good
I looked to my parents, religion, and culture as the architect of my ego
I placed conditions on everything and sorted everything into good and bad, right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable
Then I became that thing – –
I looked on the outside to find myself, not on the inside
My new Reality –
God is everyone and everything and there is nothing that exists that is not God, and since that includes me, that means that I am everything.
Only by unconditionally loving everything can I truly love myself.
Only by truly loving myself, can I be free to be myself, however I am, and no matter what the circumstances may be
Only my willingness to love myself is needed
Everything is a direct expression of God that is united in infinite, unconditional love
My personal heart is God’s heart, and God’s heart does not love conditionally
I have held my love hostage long enough through the prison of my ego
The Catch – – I must love IT ALL
The only realistic way to love myself and to love God is to love everything and everybody
There are no exceptions
It is the only way out of this egoic mess of conditional love
Everything is profoundly equal, for everything is God
I must love the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, the acceptable and the unacceptable
Genocide, war, hatred, disease, racism, greed, hypocrisy, stupidity, sexism
All of it, without exception, is just God doing its reality thing
Love requires no energy at all, Hate requires continual feeding and fueling
- Personal Preferences –
Loving everyone & everything is very different from personally liking everyone & everything
Unconditional love is a state of the heart. Personal likes and dislikes are products of my personal experiences and values – they are choices that I make
The problem arises when personal preferences become universal absolutes
Being right, being good, being enlightened, or all knowing, all play into the narratives and illusions of the ego
If I don’t like something, it doesn’t mean any more than that
Discernment – is focused on me and my preferences
Judgment – is focused on the other
Genuine Personal Responsibility –
Knowing that I, and I alone, am responsible for myself and all my choices
That is true freedom
- The Need for Control –
The only thing that I have any real control over is my ability to choose to:
Live in clarity and presence
Through relaxing, trusting, and letting go
I am free to go with the energy of reality as it presents itself
and reasonably exert my personal preferences along the way
I allow everyone and everything else to be free as well
Because in fact, it is all me and there is no other
Live in confusion, illusion, and projection
Through my imposed programs of behavior, attitudes, and attachments
The more I try to control myself, or anyone, or anything, the more I am operating from my ego and my personal illusions and attachments
A FINAL THOUGHT –
Imagine that God is a human being. What form of religion or spirituality would this God-human participate in or feel drawn toward? None! What use would God have for religion or spirituality? Religion and spirituality are just for egos.
The thing is, I am that God-human! You are that God-human!
This is who we truly are. It is what we have always been and what we will always be, no matter how confused or lost we are, because this is us!